Empty Decorations

I wake in the dawn to showers of light 
Moments of emptiness surround 
Floating away with auras of hope 
But reality brings me down to the ground 


What can I do ? 
What can I say? 
I need a place to hide away 
Just for a while, just for a smile 
Just for the life I used to know 


Where every song 
Was filled with words of love and not of anger 
where did they go. 
Why did they leave me far behind? 


Cause I don't wanna be alone
Living life all on my own
I don't wanna live my life in isolation 
Filled with empty decorations 


Cause i wanna be with the people that i know 
Who will do the things I do
Making all my dreams come true 


I don't recognise the shadows on my door 
Although I’ve seen them all before 
Because the only thing i really want is to be with you... 


I look at the sky, it looks back at me 
I can't hear the silent melodies 
I know that I’m here yet I am lost 
Blown in confusion by the breeze 
Hiding my face, crying alone 
I need to find my way back home 
Back to the place, the wonderful days 
Living the life I used to know 


Where every smile 
Was born out of a love and of sincerity 
And every tear of ever flowing joy 

Was it for real or just illusions?

In the middle of a dark night

I was alone thinking and awaken

Thousand miles separated

Yet so close I could feel it by side

Sitting alone I was not sure

How such feels began to develop

Or when does it is start

Because it never been meant intentionally

Or happens consciously

I am still thinking about it

Was it for real or just illusions?

No indication or solid judgement

Yet I could feel it warm and sound

In the action that suspiciously shown

With the lips sealed and no word spoken

Yet the reaction is likely to confirm

Until the little heart starts to grown

I am still thinking about it

Was it for real or just illusions?

The conscious mind starts to guess

Was it for real or just illusions?

The best assistant-part four

I received a call from best assistant last Saturday morning asking me to amend the reports. I told her that I do not have internet access and could not get into office email at home. However, she still insisted me to amend the report. At 3.50pm she texted me saying that she already sent the email to me. With hesitated heart, I go to cyber café just to open her email. She wrote in bold red ink with caps letter saying that CEO’s found mistakes in the report hence it was not appropriate. I quickly opened the attachments and found that it was not the same version that we amended before. The report has changed into something else, not only the written part, but the figures too. I noticed she change the figures and made few reclassification on the projected position as well as the 2013 budget for the full year. The funny thing is, while she busy made some changes for the full year position, which I assumed just for the sake of cosmetic while actual position does not reflect such condition, she forget to make the same changes for the October’s position. Hence, it shows an odd report, which presented October position was much higher than the full year for certain expenses. It is a silly mistake for a CFO with ACCA certificate holders with 10 years senior than me. I highlighted this mistake to her and purposely did not correct the figures.

I then move to the work plan and budget 2014 report and found she also made some changes in the figures as well as the written part. Since I am already up to the maximum, I totally ignored the written part and start casting the figures. Again I found silly mistakes which not supposed to be done by a CFO. I corrected the mistakes with the correspondence notes and start sending back the email to her. Since I replied to her email within one hour, the best assistant questioned me whether I have checked the paper thoroughly and make sure there is no mistakes in the reports. I replied, yes for the figures part as I have seen the figures more than 20 times already.

The things that I would like to highlight here was that despite having ACCA certification with 10 years seniors than me, she still do the silly mistakes, which in my view was not supposed to be done by a CFO, or to be exact, an Executive Director. I began to question myself, why did she said the mistakes comes from my colleague and I? We have amended the reports in a presented manner and gave to her last Friday with all figures tallied and correspond to each note. However, they are not the same version that she sent to us. She has changed everything and finally when she cannot reconcile the figures she blamed us and said it was not appropriate? Hello.. The version that she emailed us was not only altered, irreconcilable, I also found a silly mistakes like semicolon in a tables, negative signs in inappropriate place, notes clashes with each others, etc. Who did the version? Of course not my colleague and I. Then, who should the blame goes to? Somehow, while her pointing the blame to us, it eventually pointing to herself back. Her action has shown her incompetency of taking the role of CFO. She cannot detect a simple mistake but asked the 10 years more junior staff to do so. If the most junior staff taking the role to check and correct the reports, than a question on where is her capability in taking the role as CFO is raised? Isn’t that humiliating? Isn’t that makes people questioned her “complex intelligent”?

Things are different before. I remembered that it is hard to find a mistake, not to mention a silly mistake when my boss asked me to check the report. Normally, when my boss asked me to check, it means to cast the figures, and see the corresponding notes in line with each other. The version should be the final one without any amendment, hence that is why we call it “check”, just to make sure everything is in order.  However, it seems that “check” in the best assistant definition is totally different. She most probably meant “please re-do the report because I have screwed and mess up the report and I do not know how to rectify the mistakes”.

Today, she called me and asked me to prepare the slides on income breakdown for the coming meeting. According to her I need to show something concrete in the slides, just to please the board members. Well, I will not ask to do so by my boss if he is around. He most probably will do his own slides based on his understanding because end of the day it is the CFO whose the one will present it. After all, I gave all my workings to her and she has all the necessary information to do so. However, she still insisted me to write her the slides. Somehow, I have a doubt that she did not understand the working and do not know how to present it to the board members. Really, I cannot help myself from having this suspicious feeling. It was supposed to be the simplest thing as everything has been specified in my working. After all, she is the one who go to the business meeting around the world, so she must have an extensive knowledge about the business and their treatment. Combined these together, it should be a simple thing to her, as simple as eating peanut. So I am really wondering why she insisted me to prepare her slides. It is sound such unreasonable, right?

The best assistant-part three

Still the budget pain is not ended. I do not know how many versions does the draft have, but I am sure each time I made amendment based on the best assistant’s instruction, the draft changed into another version.  Along the way in completing the task, there were so many “intelligent” question raised. One of them was “where is the saving for forecast 2013?” Such question give me a shock; I get stunned for a while thinking how to answer the question. It has been October end, an ordinary CFO should know that at this point of time, if the budget was burst, there is no turning point, unless with God’s miracle. How could the best assistant asked for the saving whereas there are many invoices that yet to be recorded, as the business people also could not confirm and track their expenses. Everyday, new invoices surprised me, so how the saving could take place? Subhanallah.

Again in completing the budget, a question has been raised by her secretary on the risk management consultancy cost. Surprisingly the question forwarded to me to address. I have risen to the best assistant that I do not have any access to forecast for the business consultancy cost as contacts and agreements are not forwarded to me. The best assistants agreed and give her figure which in my view is based on her judgement. Apparently she asked me why the risk management consultancy is not included in the figure. A rational CFO should know that she supposed to have a basis before giving me any figure or at least that was what my boss do each time he give me a solid figure. How on earth do I know that there will be a risk management consultancy cost to be incurred if I do not have any access to the contract and agreement and information is confidential? I do not know what the motive is forwarding the question to me. Is that supposed to make me feel stupid? Or it is how the best assistant shows her “intelligence” to me?

As usual, the CEO will review the draft report. In the institution’s definition, review means, checking the statement and grammar. I received a very small handwriting in green and red asking me to change the sentence in the report. As much as I tried to read, the sentences become much weird. For the record, the handwriting was hard to read and it was much worse than my boss’s handwriting; I had to admit this. At one point, one of the colleagues said to me “who wrote this? The English is so bad” I just hold my smiles. Well at least it does not come from me.

There is one thing that I learned in these few days. Some changes based on situation. Some acting like nothing happen but take opportunity when time come. Some acted like double agent. Others are willing to please in order to survive. People adapted to the situation and changes. In my case, I find it difficult to change and adapt. I am not someone who has double face or pleased people in order to survive. I speak the truth and cannot help myself to rise when things goes wrong. In my world, black is black and white is white. Between both, there is no grey area. And based on the character that I have the chances of surviving is getting slim. Nevertheless, that is me; the character is build inside, and surely not turning to chameleon just to play safe in the institution.

The best assistant-part two

I thought the budget stress session ended last Friday. Unfortunately, it continues this week. At first, the best assistant asked me to read her write up for work plan and budget. It is actually business plan; I do not understand why they called it “work plan”. The second CFO has given his brilliant comment on the paper. I start to read the paper after lunch and eventually found out that the paper was actually a copied paste version from last year budget. No wonder it seems familiar to me. Then I received a call from the best assistant asking me to re-write the paper and submit to her before end of the day. Well, it took me a while to start somewhere as most of the paper need to be re-write. So I start reading the last year version and compared it with my budget working and start the write up. I managed to complete the report by 6.00 and realised I am the last who leave the office. There is something wondering in my mind. Last Friday, the best assistant claimed that she will do the budget report with her own format, but judging from today’s it seems she do nothing except than copied paste version. Why is it so? Is she really busy until do not have time to do the report? After all, we have prepared something for her last Friday, so the best assistant was actually having sufficient information to do the write up. In other circumstances, the best assistant does not seems very busy that she do not have time to do the report as I saw that she have time to update the King on the progress which herself does not reflected. Again, who will claim the credit? You know the answer.

I did the cash flow projection today in relation for her to decide on the placement of fixed deposit. However, it seems that she ignored the information and I believe she would ask the same in next few days. Somehow, I wonder, whether she realised or not, that taking the role of CFO is not just for the sake of being a signatory, but it more than that. If all those thinking part is done by the most junior subordinate, then it is the question whether she is actually in capability of taking the role? If the work that supposed to be done by CFO is now prepared by the junior subordinate, what is the role and responsibility of the CFO? How would the best assistant accountable for the liability that she took? The most important thing, how would she justify for the salaries and perks that she has taken and the injustice that she have done to me? Would she able to justify that in front of The Merciful? Subhanallah..

The best assistant-part one

As expected, the best assistant has 1001 unique ways to ensure my life in the institution miserable. She began with lists of task on the third day of the new environment, including the September account and report. The next morning she already asked for the September report. It is the first time I tried to do such report, as normally it was my boss who writes the report. Pressured from her, I wrote as simple as I could and delivered to her. She accepted the report without any comment and I have doubt that she reviewed the report.

The second task was to change and update the signatories. It is an easy task, however to get the signatories to sign on the specimen card was the actual challenge. It feels like buying an Iphone on its 1^st day of sale, with crowds of people and you have to queue and wait for so long. Since I have a good relationship with the banking institution, the task was completed much earlier than expected. It was supposed to ease the backlog payments but they are out of country for some business. Hence when they come back I was struggled to get their signatories for payment, and believe me, it is a real challenge to get their signatures. I feel like wanted to make an appointment with them just to get signatures for payment. Adding to the problem, all payment are done manually, through instruction letter, not through internet banking like we used to do. It added to my administrative works as I need to go to Leboh Ampang frequent than before. At one point of time, there was a time I reached bank at 5.15pm on Friday and the bank almost close. I was just arrived there and received a call from best assistant asking me to go bank to the institution, just to write another payment instruction, with a reason, it was an urgent payment. It was very provocative reason when I found out that the payment was actually for the third party whose was the arranger of the “Surprised Day”. Even though I explained to her that the bank will close as soon as I leave, the best assistant still insist for me to go back to the institution until later I heard she sound very angry to me. It was Friday, and the institution declared closed until the next Wednesday, rationally there will be no one would come on the next Monday just to deliver the payment letter to the bank. However being unreasonable superior, it is pretty clear that the best assistant is out of her mind. The next week I found out that they chase others to go home by six with a reason to lock the door since it would be a long leave. See? Just like I thought, the best assistant was unreasonable.

The third task was to make an expense projection for the next three month. Again, it was an easy task for me, but unfortunately I did not get support from my own supervisor or even the subjects of the kingdom. Some of the subjects seem suspicious looking at me like I wanted to steal information. Perhaps the statement “confidential to insider but not outsider” was applicable here. I did best I could even though the best assistant seem not interested to the information. In the same week as they have business trip, I was called by the King, asking the cash position and forecasted expenses for the next quarter. I gave the figures but reminded the King that my projection was limited to the extent of my knowledge and accessibility. Perhaps, concerned with the cash flow liquidity, the King ordered his subjects to give me information for the cash management as a console uniform. In my view, without the interference of the King, I may perhaps until today would not able to access information, consider the mentality of the subjects and the best assistant attitude. Coming to the day of fund transfer, the best assistant still did not show her interest or in exact word, ignoring what the CFO supposed to do. To save the institution, it was me who proposed amount for the fund transfer and give the suggestion, whilst the best assistant then gladly gave her signatures and claimed the credit.

Not only that, I was instructed to do administrative works, until I feel sometimes becoming a secretary to her, arranging her a meeting, follow up something, taking notes, printing and other stuffs.

The biggest task for me as of now was to do the next year budget. It may not easy but at least I have experienced to make a budget in my previous company with 7 years forecast. However, the biggest challenge was to work with an ex-CFO of one institutional here. He is a bossy man with some requirement to follow, stubborn and wanted to do things by his own style. One statement that I could remember “Oh, you have to learn from hi, he got ACCA long time before I have”. Daa.. Do I care? I’m also a chartered accountant, but I never market myself in such cheap way. However, I still find my self a good heart because compared to other subjects I still hold my patient working with this old man. In completing the task, we have emailed best assistant for her respond and information gathering, but none of our email being replied. It was already three weeks and from informal information, I found out that the best assistant was actually behind the schedule. The best assistant was supposed to circulate the budget to the board members by 20^th. I was smiling alone. It was actually the day before, she busy asking for the information and requested us to complete the task. I think, desperately she called the business team for meeting just to get information. It seems that she was actually not having any idea what the business is, or otherwise we would not be in such “informative” meeting. With all the stress I completed sealed budget and make a report before submitted to her this afternoon. We will see who will claim for the credit. You could guess who J

It is Friday again

It is Friday again. It has been 4 weeks since they fired my boss. I’m supposed to be well adjusted to the situation since it has been a month they thrown the “Big Surprised.” Unfortunately I do not well adjusted or to be exact I could not even fit into the new environment.

Just expected, the best assistant has her own unique way to make sure I had my toughest days in the institution. Her own “sweet” way of making me following orders without questions and dumped every chores on me has definitely leave me no second though to leave if I had a chance. Not only administrative, I had to do the thinking part which supposed to be done by CFO or to be exact Executive Director who has ACCA. And the best part, all the credit goes to her, like a superstar (shine bright like a diamond, of course in front of the King). To be honest, I’m seriously had enough. I could give full support to my boss no matter who he/she is, but the best assistant was definitely not going to have that kind of commitment from me. Well, just said that we don not have any chemistry. I am not types that follow order without justification, or obey things that in my view not in its place. Maybe it’s not her fault; it is me being an ordinary old fashion thinking accountant, could not serve her extra ordinary orders.

It is already a month, but I think I am still shock with “The Surprised.” I still could not go over it. It was a hit to my boss but was actually a strike to me. Too bad, I could not share this with anyone there. They have a strange way of managing people. We are restrained to talk to each other whilst everything for them is confidential. It is confidential to insiders but not to outsiders. It is so funny. So all these while, I had to keep what I feel within me, and believe me it is hard to do so. I had to pretend not feel anything but grieving inside. I go to work with a plastic face, not showing any emotion despite what they said or done. It is hard and makes me even sad, yet I have to give the sweetest smile to them. It is now no difference of me and the pillar; no emotion.

It is a month but I still had my tears when I remembered the “Surprised Day”. I am sorry boss, I should be strong like you asked, but I’m failed. I cannot hold myself from tears each time I remembered the day. I’m too emotional, I guess; just like you said. It has been 4 weeks but I still do the routine, looking at my boss place morning and evening with a hope that I could see my boss is sitting there. Yes, I’m silly, but I cannot help myself.

The things bothered me is that they keep asking me whether I contacted my boss or what my boss and I have been discussed before. I do not know whether they believe when I told them that we talk about statistic, or algebra or interest rate. Most probably they suspected that we (my boss and I) have secret. Well, I should tell them that we (my boss and I) have a plan to bomb White House, and then maybe they would buy the idea. They are creepy people.

Some of them asked why my boss and I could get along. It is a pretty strange question, yet I could only bury the answer within me. He has been a good boss to me despite I always do thing by my own style. I am the naughtiest and stubborn staff yet he still cool about it. He is very open boss that I could spill my opinion or thought without having pressure to follow the order if I feel something wrong. Although he is a little bit arrogant (he admitting this J ) and unfriendly (to a certain people), and most of them afraid to him, I never feel so. It is a little bit weird to see people trying avoiding him, even an auditor said my boss is very straight, but I find him the other way around. I remembered when he joined the institution October last two years; I find it hard to understand his slang, I took my time to figure out what did my boss said. But now, my boss is one of the closest friends I have. Did I mentioned that he have a good heart despite of his unfriendly look J. Coming back to question why did we could get along; I guess it is a mutual trust and respect, because I trust and respect my boss no matter what people said about him; and vice versa. I guess this makes me very sad when he is not around. I feel like kind of loosing of something. Something is missing and it is really torn my heart.

 Despite of that, I hope that my boss would have a better chance after this. My boss deserves something better because he is a good person. Let us pray that God gives us thousand times of patient for having this incident and may this experience make us a better person.

The first movie in cinema

Do you remember the first movie you see in cinema? What would it be? 

I remember mine clearly. It was back in 2002 when I was in my third year in uni. I watch my first movie at TGV KLCC with my partners in crime, Noe, Meda & Zaina. It was the Lord of the Ring- The Two Tower. We had a front sit as the hall was almost full. It is a long movie, with dark environment, full of suspense, at least for me. 

I was impressed with the nice scenery shoot in New Zealand. However, the shoot does not feature much the beauty of New Zealand. Luckily  the other sequel, The Fellowship of the Ring, show a lot of them. I admired the scenes and hope one day I could go there and experience it myself. Cross finger..xoxo

It is said that The Two Tower introduce new faces like King Rohan and beautiful Eowyn and the gigantic Ents. It is also said that Aragorn has some relationship with Eowyn :) . However, cannot forget the charming Legolas, right?

Well, this is my first movie in cinema. It is a good movie and I still watching it whenever it aired in television. This is my first experience watching in cinema. What about you?

56th Independent Day

In conjunction of the Independent Day this coming Saturday, media has given a wide coverage to enhance public awareness on the Malaysia's independence history, inclusive movies, songs, public campaigns, etc.

In year 2013, Malaysia will celebrate its Independent Day for the 56th with the theme " Malaysiaku Berdaulat, Tanah Tumpah Darahku". It is hope the theme will will encourage us, the Malaysian celebrate the day with nationalism spirit, unity and deep love towards the country, as much as the flagship of"Jalur Gemilang".

2013 Malaysian Independent Day's logo has been chosen in line with the 56th years of the celebration. Bsically, it is the number "56" that being creatively put with the color of national flag, Jalur Gemilang. Its is said that the color in the logo represent symbolic defination, such as white represent multi racial Malaysian that is hope to bring harmony and unity whilst the crescent moon and star defined as the independent of royal kingdom.

I was actually touched by one the national song that payed by media. It was actually a song by Sudirman called "Warisan".

Di sini lahirnya sebuah cinta
Yang murni abadi sejati
Di sini tersemai cita-cita
Bercambah menjadi warisan

Andai ku terbuang tak diterima
Andai aku disingkirkan
Ke mana harus ku bawakan
Ke mana harus ku semaikan cinta ini

Betapa
Di bumi ini ku melangkah
Ke utara timur dan barat
Ku jejaki

Aku bukanlah seorang perwira
Gagah menghunus senjata
Namun hati rela berjuang
Walau dengan cara sendiri
Demi cinta ini

Ku ingin kotakan seribu janji
Sepanjang kedewasaan ini
Kuingin sampaikan pesanan
Akulah penyambung warisan

Happy Independent Day, Malaysia. I love you and will always do.

 

Ada Apa Dengan CINTA?

Today TV3 shows this film "Ada Apa Dengan Cinta". It has been a while I watched this movie, almost eleven years, if I was not mistaken. Ironically, every time I watch the movie, my room mate, Nor Akmal need to translate it (thanks to her),clearly I could not understand the language properly, until today.
Although it has been years, I still exited watching the movie. Out of sudden, I remember that I have the list of sountrack of this movie in my playlist and still listening to them without fail in LRT. They are my favorite especially when the account is not balance.Phew..

Although it was an interesting stories, nevertheless, there is only one LOVE that is everlasting:

The convocation



The banner of the convocation



The joy of graduation

The book of award