Don't you bring me down today

It has been a long time that I abandon this blog. Not that I forgotten about it, but I find so hard to get spare time writing, well.. Just say that my work consume me more that what it suppose to. Nevertheless, those are excuses. The truth is, so much happen in my life in instance, part of it had impact me personally.

How should I word those incidences? Hmm.. Its kind of weird to put it into words. Let me begin with my work. Like usual, the workload could never make me worry, not that I tried to be corky, its just, I had been in worse situation before, thus these is nothing compared to those time. But again, as you grew senior, given a task to coaches’ younger staffs, it may be advantage or disadvantage, depending on situation. It’s a great exposure with a great responsibility. To recall my ex-boss, Mr Zulkifly said to me, ”human management is not easy”. And believe me, it wasn’t. It’s a mix between a choice of decision together with emotion   management, patient and determination. Its lucky if you are given a well mannered-good staffs, but if its opposing the situation, well.. You have to find a way deal with them in a very best way. Like the motto, “handle with care”. In my case, situation isn’t going well. The other staff is just nice, easy to deal with, but the other one, seriously push my patient to the limit. I think she just can’t bear getting coaches from me. But I was really lucky. Really I am. Although I get into troubles managing the human factor, I was in real luck. I had a great superior, my boss. He always in my side no matter what, I guess he know my capabilities. Did I ever mention that I had a bad time with my co-colleagues too? They thought I was overshadowing my boss, in relation to the decision and putting things in place.  There is one time, they tried pushing me to the limit until I could not stand it anymore, but again, my superior was there saving me from the evil words that they said. Days and days I was thinking why they react like that? They leave their professionalism behind and act like a dumb kind. Am I threatened to them? To be honest, I am nothing compared to them, just a small fish in a pond. Pretty much odd when they feel threatened with me when we know they are much senior than me, not to mentioned higher ranking too.

I could not deny, this has given a negative impact to my self esteem. I kind of lose my confidence once. I had a tough time on adjusting myself back to the quadrant. It is taking me days to get me back in trail. But somehow, I back with motivation. I am back with confidence that they could never strike again. I know what I’m doing, and I done it correct by rules and laws. Let they be whatever they want, throw me the ball in any way, you bet, I am ready to take the heat.

But again, we could never guess what will happen, when we deal with human factor, right? Nevertheless, this reminds me to the core value, self esteem and morality that one should have in life of a career. For me, its how we look at our self that portrays what we are, as much confidence we have in our self, and as long as we know what we are doing, it shall never prevail the fear factor inside us. We are what we thinking of, no matter what they said. (Isn’t this sound like Christina Aguilera’s song?)

Here the song, hope this could boost the motivation back:

Beautiful by Christina Aguilera

Everyday is so wonderful
Then suddenly
It's hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain
I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful
No matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful
In every single way
Yes words can't bring me down
Oh no
So don't you bring me down today