Butterfly

Friend and trust

Today we discuss topic on friendship. Friendship is something that one should value, treasure. It is something that we obtained, not bought. It happens naturally without enforcement. In a friendship, there is element namely trust. We usually trust people that we treasure as friend. Trust is something that we used to earned, cannot be bought. We don’t choose people to trust, it naturally happens.

In my life, friends come and go. Despite of that, I love all my friends. They might be very good friends or someone that be friend for the sake of them. For me, whatever intention they have, I always have a good faith to them. But sometimes, because of good faith, they have betrayed my trust, which something that I hate the most. And they did so many times despite I tried to put a trust that they going to change. It just makes me loose my temper though I tried very hard to hold it. Tried to forgive them but sometimes they did beyond the limit. Should I forget and forgive? 

Day in office

I am looking for a topic to spill but find nothing. Out of sudden I am thinking of current my office. It is a small office, with the manpower of more or less forty five staffs, 50 percent local and the remaining balance is expatriates from Middle East to the British citizenship and United States, of course.

Being a small office, it is supposed to be easy to be managed, but this is not as simple as you look at it. The shareholders are the central banks of 15 Islamic countries, and of course we are obliged to them for so many reasons. But again, the institution was formed under its own Act, which supposed to give them the immunity of any legal action or conduct, still the differences between the central banks cultures and ours gives a wide spread between both organization. It is sometimes difficult for us to adapt the cultures of the regulators being central banks as ours are similar to the commercial or investment. The core business is differ as targeted market is niche to the members only, thus restricted the organization to penetrate its own market, not even in the introductory stage. That is the organisation itself.

We move to the core enablers of the organization. Coming from all around the world, the cultures are mixed between Asian, Middle East as well as the European. The differences between us supposed to create another multi cultural in the organization. It is a unique thing that we are supposed to be proud of. Unfortunately, the diversity between us also creates paranormal office cultures which sometimes create havoc between us. The miscommunication makes the action sometimes misinterpreted. Language dysfunctional also contributes to the problem.

Again, among them, the cultures create disparity between each department. People are coming from various backgrounds with different mission and vision. Some of them really work hard for the organization but others are having hidden agenda.  We might hear of “taici” cultures before in other company, but here, we still have the same cultures. Not to mention of having bad intention to other people, though they are more superior the others, jealousy and other bad things. We even have very proactive office politics here, not to forget a politician candidate that keeps her campaign every day to her respective area without fail. We also have the most efficient high speed internet coverage that able to spread news in seconds. But again, of what they coming from, of what their responsibility are, they are answerable to the same shareholders, the central banks of the 15 countries. I just hope that things would get better someday, with all the negative things gone for good. This is my pray, and hope it will be, God-willingly.

Don't you bring me down today

It has been a long time that I abandon this blog. Not that I forgotten about it, but I find so hard to get spare time writing, well.. Just say that my work consume me more that what it suppose to. Nevertheless, those are excuses. The truth is, so much happen in my life in instance, part of it had impact me personally.

How should I word those incidences? Hmm.. Its kind of weird to put it into words. Let me begin with my work. Like usual, the workload could never make me worry, not that I tried to be corky, its just, I had been in worse situation before, thus these is nothing compared to those time. But again, as you grew senior, given a task to coaches’ younger staffs, it may be advantage or disadvantage, depending on situation. It’s a great exposure with a great responsibility. To recall my ex-boss, Mr Zulkifly said to me, ”human management is not easy”. And believe me, it wasn’t. It’s a mix between a choice of decision together with emotion   management, patient and determination. Its lucky if you are given a well mannered-good staffs, but if its opposing the situation, well.. You have to find a way deal with them in a very best way. Like the motto, “handle with care”. In my case, situation isn’t going well. The other staff is just nice, easy to deal with, but the other one, seriously push my patient to the limit. I think she just can’t bear getting coaches from me. But I was really lucky. Really I am. Although I get into troubles managing the human factor, I was in real luck. I had a great superior, my boss. He always in my side no matter what, I guess he know my capabilities. Did I ever mention that I had a bad time with my co-colleagues too? They thought I was overshadowing my boss, in relation to the decision and putting things in place.  There is one time, they tried pushing me to the limit until I could not stand it anymore, but again, my superior was there saving me from the evil words that they said. Days and days I was thinking why they react like that? They leave their professionalism behind and act like a dumb kind. Am I threatened to them? To be honest, I am nothing compared to them, just a small fish in a pond. Pretty much odd when they feel threatened with me when we know they are much senior than me, not to mentioned higher ranking too.

I could not deny, this has given a negative impact to my self esteem. I kind of lose my confidence once. I had a tough time on adjusting myself back to the quadrant. It is taking me days to get me back in trail. But somehow, I back with motivation. I am back with confidence that they could never strike again. I know what I’m doing, and I done it correct by rules and laws. Let they be whatever they want, throw me the ball in any way, you bet, I am ready to take the heat.

But again, we could never guess what will happen, when we deal with human factor, right? Nevertheless, this reminds me to the core value, self esteem and morality that one should have in life of a career. For me, its how we look at our self that portrays what we are, as much confidence we have in our self, and as long as we know what we are doing, it shall never prevail the fear factor inside us. We are what we thinking of, no matter what they said. (Isn’t this sound like Christina Aguilera’s song?)

Here the song, hope this could boost the motivation back:

Beautiful by Christina Aguilera

Everyday is so wonderful
Then suddenly
It's hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain
I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful
No matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful
In every single way
Yes words can't bring me down
Oh no
So don't you bring me down today