Need for Your Guidance

Recently I tried to know someone through a social network. He works as an air traffic controller in Subang Airport. He is the same age of me and coming from Arau, Perlis. His father has passed away and now left the mother with his siblings. He is the second one from four siblings. What else? Oh ya, he graduated from Universiti Teknologi Malaysia. We had been texting for few days and he had been calling me once, ya, yesterday.

For some reason that I don't know I feel comfortable texting and talking to him. I would say I found something makes me attached him without any force. Kind of chemistry perhaps? I don't know. All I know is that I'm looking forward to hear from him everyday, eagerly coming from office just to texting him. LOL. Sound stupid, huh?

Tonight he said that he would not texting me anymore. And..all sudden, I feel so worry like I had hurt him or say something wrong. I tried to call him but he didn't want to answer my calls. Yes, I feel so worry and awkward and I didn't know where the feels coming from. It just me and him do not have something attached, and I supposed not to feel anything or being affected by what he did. Unfortunately, the stupidity (should I call this?) comes in anywhere, the worries, the sadness and every feels that me, myself didn't know how to describe.

Oh God, what had happened to me? Am I loss my senses? Am I out of mind? I should not be affected or harm by his attitude. I shouldn't feel annoyed. But I did, which is something you call a paranormal. It doesn't fit me at all. Me, myself that I know would not be harm by any means of that kind of attitude, but now? I feel so sad, guilt and..don't know. Oh God, I think I must be out of mind, what is this feels?

And now God, I pray for your guidance, for any reason you made this available to me. The same way that you tested my patient my Hakeem gone the last 2 years, opps..almost approaching 3 years now. If I ever succeed in your last test, it is You who make it happened. As such, I pray to You God, let Your Guidance be my light, may you show me the way, lead me to your path so that I wouldn't be astray.

Oh God, if this is a kind of your test, help me out. I am helpless without your Help. I would not able to pass the test without your Mercy. Oh God, if this is a kind of your test, give me as much patient as I needed, as much strength as I needed, as much hope that I needed as I really needed it the most, without your Mercy I might fail. I am clueless without your Guidance. 

Oh God, You are my only hope. Its You who decide what is the best for me and I rest everything on you.

I took almost 3 years to heal. This is my first step after a long time my heart wounded by Hakeem. I just hope that this is the very last destination as I would feel in my heart. Oh God, please help me. Guide me. If he ever be the best for me, let things goes smoothly. If he ever be the bad things for me, put us separated in the very best way. I rather to be hurt now than in the future. Although I don't think I would be able to face the sadness and hurt again, I am still would be, insyaAllah, if You My God are with me.

This Saturday I am going to meet him after class at Aquaria, KLCC. I pray the best for both of us and let everything on God's decision. InsyaAllah.

I am looking for a man that could lead me nearer to You and I hope that You would help me on this. Let the best man who able to guide me nearer to You be my other half. I really hope to be a good servant for you and serves you in the best manner I could. For this, I pray that You would guide me, protect me from any harm as I trusted You the most. InsyaAllah.

May the best ever happen to me, insyaAllah.